it's been 9 months since you passed awaywhere is sandy koufax today

My husband lived only 6mos after drs found CNS lymphoma in his brain. Life is not always what we want it to be and it is hard to comprehend and put into words just how you feel. Told me of the hallucinations and her mind was telling her I was cheating, so far from the truth. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. I will type a little should you come back here. For me going on this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the lose. I can tell you the only thing that keeps me going day to day is not wanting my children or loved ones left behind to feel how I feel right now. People are cruel regarding mourning time. I am grateful for the great love and happiness we shared. Worse even if you can believe it. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed. I know theres no perfect people in this world and I understand that. Dear Tracy, I know it is hard, but I have a wonderful story to share. All I can tell you is that in the weeks following his death I visited psychics, read about everything I could in an afterlife, looked forward signs.this is called denial. He was my closest friend and confidant. Dont listen to anyone who says you are depressed and need therapy! Im exactly where you are right now! I wish you better days and be glad you experienced a great love. I am lost. Hope is in you its just buried somewhere but believe me Im only in the first month of my mom passing and boy let me tell you its a pain I never felt before and I just want to die I cry everyday all day there arent any words that can explain my pain. Even though sometimes we accept that this is life but life seems unfair at times. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. He was my life and it feels over. (She just wasnt there no more. I immediately looked away . So now that you're gone, how can I forget; I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. Then dealing with all the aftermath of it all its like i went into a different mental mode. I too lost the love of my life after 47yrs of marriage. Its been little over seven months. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. Its 16 month my wife left me alone in this world, my pain is getting worst day by day! Sounds crazy right. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. Its been two years coming up and the loss has gotten worst. Maybe. I will be 67 later this year. Losing my mother was horrendous . It is very hard, being the eldest, the expectations and the norm of just dealing with parents grief is heart breaking. I know your husband is with you in spirt. I would do anything to hear the words mommy. I am tired all the time, cant get rid of this upper respiratory infection, and have gained back most of the I was a person with very strong faith, but this life changing event has caused me to question all Ive ever believed. Many have said that year one is the numb year, and maybe thats right. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. What has kept me going through this time is remembering that he would want me to be strong and keep going for him. Hi Heather This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. It's been two years since you're . Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. That said; allow others in. March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone. Ill NEVER see him again. This will never end, will it? Death Anniversary Messages. 100% safe for your site Ive cried so much. Everything reminds me of him and I find myself distancing myself from people and things that were familiar to us both. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. Be free. I do not socialize, even at church. I am taking that as progress through the storm. seems to be hitting me harder this year. I lose my husband two weeks ago. I know Ill survive, but my life never is going to be the same. But even after years, every day I'm carrying the pain . Result: 660,116 days. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. Remember That You Are Not Alone in Your Grief. Today I got a call from the bank saying they forgot to transfer a small amount of his to our daughter, i broke down again. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. He battled stage 4 lung cancer (also never smoked) for 7 1/2 years. From and including: Tuesday, October 21, 0200 (Julian calendar in United States.Change Country) To, but not including Thursday, February 21, 2008 (Gregorian calendar). People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. You are being really honest about your loss. Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together. Each day.. I struggle to find ways to fill the time and have struggled to find friends who get it. Any suggestions will be appreciated. I dont dream or have visions that bring me peace. When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn't do enough to help them. All I do is cry. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. There is hope; the sun does shine again. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. I was totally blank, dont know what to think nor what I feel, totally felt nothing. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, Week Number Calculator - Find the week number for any date. Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. So I know that feeling. It is different now, but not easier. Im so glad I found this post. [Verse] It's been nine months since you passed away Exactly nine months, nine months today It hasn't got easy, nothing's numbed the pain From time to time, I still call you by mistake I still . I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he wont be able to come home with us but theres nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just dont get it. We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have like pouring salt into an open wound. I find its a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. He passed on January 28, 2018. Missing you always.". I find that if I force myself, my anxiety goes way up. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. I am into year #2 . My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. You feel A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . Now. I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years? Then in October of 2019 I got a call at work again to come to the hospital and that Kimberly suddenly died of a heart massive heart attack at 54.I couldnt believe it was real and sure enough here I was again, this time I had no way of telling her see you again someday because my brain told me that saying goodbye to Lisa werent the right words. Fake it for that childs sake.Cry when your alone. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. I think there is an acceptance that your loved one will not be back, but the hurt does not stop. This happen to me. Then my son came to mind, he was having fun with his dad before he left for a walked, now hell wake up without him. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. Even now, I cant believe hes not here! Ive had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. I recently went out 2 eat w/some friends, shared some laughs, but found myself missing my best friend who I had shared so many laughs with over 30 yrs. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasnt got a boyfriend dosnt wont to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. In year 2, Ive been thinking a lot lately about one more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. And youre right, In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more. 5th Nov 2017 was the most horrible night when we were called to the hospital and she was just lying there unconscious. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? Anyway it felt good to post this here. Tracy. Now I have hit rock bottom. I keep thinking why! I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. We were told of the poor prognosis but we soldiered on and thought she would somehow wake up and get better. At least in reading others words I feel that were not alone. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. I believe the first year I was numb. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. It feels like Ive lost a part of my life. I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. She deserves a life filled with hope and happy times. Feel it and carry it as far as you can. I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees. He was 74, had some health conditions, though not that serious & was relatively able, fit & healthy. I am 7 months in with the loss of my best friend, my wife. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them just like, I really didnt fit into their life I wasnt their sister, their aunt, or theyre best friend. I was able to bury him next to his father. The 1st year of grief my heart physically ached that I thought it would break. Home with you or where ever u. Its somehow soothing to see some of my blurry thoughts in writing. He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. I remember the 1st year being a blur. They would want us to go on!! Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. YouTube A body from the Dyatlov Pass incident. But I loved you, and always will. I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his sonhonest!! Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. 6 more people passed including my father. Do I wont to be in a realationship again. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. But it does help to know that I am not alone and unfortunately, there are others struggling as much as I am. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. And then it did happen. Year two, is called the wake up year. May God help us all. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. I feel the same. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. So thats what am doing. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. Talk about him, laugh about him. He had cancer. I cannot deal with that thought. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I love him so. I hope we both gain some life of normalcy.. The grief is invisible to everyone around me, and Im too proud to let anyone in. I look around my town and I see so many changes and I hate it because everything reminds me of Mum every shop that closes down that Mum used to visit leaves me heaving. foward with the huge hole in my Trying to picture myself living another 30 to 40 years without him feels impossible. I think the only thing worse would be the lose of a child that is the club I never want to be a part of. i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . Its been 2 years since my mom died. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. They say I have chose him over them so theyre pretty much through with me what I need help dont know which way to turn. I lost my mom that I took care of for almost 5 yrs and I saw her take her last breathe and its been two yrs now and people act like should be over losing her and when all the people that have been lost this year from covid 19 its just reminds of what and how I lost her. Your right the first year you are numb. She passed away August 2020 . I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? And if the scar is deep, so was the love. In this second year, I am torn between selling our home and moving (where I do not know). When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it wont get better. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. There are no rules about how you . Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didnt know how to cope with his loss. May God bless you and comfort you on your journey. I cant remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it. Ill never date or love anyone else, and when I do interact with others, I pretend to be happy, and paint on a smile and fake cheer, because thats what they expect; yet all the while, im Dying inside. We were together for 48 years, did everything together, and lived for each other. Im dying inside. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. It doesn't heal them, but it gives us the opportunity to learn from them. I cant get my head around the anniversary already being here when it all seemed to happen only yesterday. Take it from an old guy. For everyone concerned. Usually a local hospice or hospital can help you get in touch with those who can help you through this. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. Since you do have the original Will, you must submit . Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. Ive never cried so much it was like a present from my husband with them been born on Xmas day and saying bye to them was so so hard. She was simply the best person I ever knew. I can relate to everything you all are saying i have so little motivation to work. Living with cancer was all we had ever known. Many days its a struggle to just get out of bed. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better looking at my 3rd holiday season without him I dont know exactly. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. I tell her I miss her, she rolls her eyes and says, "Ugh. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. The first 6 months I lost my faith and was very angry , then veering to its all pontless. Many of the people I work with are several years past their loss and are struggling with confidence and decision making. It left me very melancholy. this is life what we deal with as best we can. They got to return to their life. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. Some days are better than others. I had no idea grief would be like this and encourage all couples and families to discuss dying and be prepared as much as you can be for death to be a part of your life. One day at a time I am so apologetic for your loss sweetheart, Hi Holly I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. We were only married a year and a half. Where did that year go? so be it . We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. It NEVER stops hurting. Absolutely no warning. Im only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. I was a nurse for 17 yrs, and I could see the signs. I was her care I take diazepam about twice a month when I feel Im about to go through an attack of anxiety. i pray for all my friends that are suffering to die soon they are lucky to tell loved ones so long. Strange to think I am now living longer them. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. I found The Five Wishes online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. You can find all the information you need about this course at their website http://www.griefshare.org.

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